Monday, June 24, 2013

Transformation

Our lives are going through a big turn around.
Our eyes are opened and what matters in life has changed.

It was a big wake up call that hit my brain when I finally decided to let out what I had been holding in for a year.  The discovery of my sons disability took a year to process and it was like as soon as I told and shouted it out my eyes opened to what I had been doing for a year, a year of shopping in ridiculously high end shops, a year of hiding my feelings, a year of not dealing with what I was so mad about.  Well enough is was enough.  I spent my weekend returning handbags, shoes, jewelry and so much more.  I am ready to deal now with what we face in life.

Yesterday was spent tearing down my studio.  Boxing all my things away and cataloging them for sale.  I welcomed my husband back into my studio and we will now share the space as a couple.
Communicate and create together.
Gone is the shabby chic bed, bedding, and displays that were never used.  I was pushing others out and staying in a room filling it with things that didn't matter.

We ripped the old carpet out and took everything out of the room.
We are starting over.  I am loving the distressed floor boards from under the carpet.  We will either paint it or wait a year to put in our own hardwood flooring.

It feels so good to let go.  Let others enjoy the things that didn't bring me joy for long.  It was the "this will make me happy and life feel normal again, right?"  and then it didn't.

As I package and sell things off a sense of great relief comes over me.  I am able to breathe and see clearly again.

A diagnosis of Autism stops a family in their tracks.  I have read so many of your stories and I just shake my head, yes, yep, exactly, that is how I felt.  I wanna shout thru the computer screen "I SO GET IT"   It is hard to deal with and hard on relationships, not only of husbands and wives but the extended family that just doesn't get it, and doesn't want to get it.
My plan is to find a great book on Autism and signing each copy to our relatives to read and then discuss what our life is like on a daily basis.  Unless you have a special needs child, you have no idea what toll it takes on a family. 
I don't want to come off whiny or crying woe is me...I just want to be honest and tell it how it is.  Nothing is more helpful than reaching out and asking a family in this situation if they need an hour off, or to talk.  Talking and taking our minds off our everyday life,  is like rebooting.  I feel so refreshed after just a chat with a friend or family member on a silly topic.

I am enjoying all the links of other blogs that have been sent to me from concerned bloggers.
Keep them  coming, please!


5 comments:

Julie said...

Hi Amy, a great post, I can feel your cleansing through your words. Yes sometimes we do tend to gather "things" to fill that empty void that we have inside & they so dont do it. Well perhaps for a short time but it is just a superficial type of filling of the void.
I think that is a great idea to give each of your relatives a good copy of a book on autism. And encourage them to actually READ it.
Sometimes I wonder if all the denial you were going thru & all the shopping & gathering & acquiring was what made you ill in your body for so long my friend.
Even though this a hugely traumatic time you are going thru, you sound great & much better than before :-)
I am sending hugs your way as always my friend & by the way ... that is one gorgeous dolly in the 1st pic !!!! :-) x0x0x0

Laurie said...

this is such a major step you are making, only good things can come from this, I made a steep change in my life quite like this, the material things i let go was the most freeing experience i have ever had, no regrets, best wishes to you,

Gail Thayer said...

Amy,
Sounds as if you are rearranging your priorities.....for the better! Good for you, I wish you well and know that it feels good to let some of the "stuff" go...I'm in that process right now and it's daunting.
I guess in our business, the hunting, gathering, then selling eventually can be overwhelming at times.

I'm working on my studio this week and I know I'll find tons to sell and at the same time free up my creativity.
It's somewhat stymied at the moment because of all the stuff.

Take care and I know you'll find tons of support here online with your family issues as so many are going through the same thing.
Hugs to you!!

Rhonda said...

Your words do hit home, constantly purchasing to find happiness that never presents itself. I know it well. You are now free to spend time where it is needed and on that path to clarity.

I sure hope we get to "reboot" this weekend together...it's looking like we are!! xo Rhonda

Diana Mieczan said...

Starting fresh and letting go is the best way forward for sure and I am so proud that you are getting stronger!!! You're an awesome mom and a wonderful person:)